Elections are coming up, and
again we face the ever present debacle of choosing the lesser of two evils.
Honestly, it doesn't actually
matter who is in the executive hot seat. With all of our republic's checks and
balances, the elected official really just does the best job they can do with
what they're given, and that's the positive way of looking at it.
Candidates always make insane
promises they can never deliver on, just to acquire voters with that same
particular agenda. A little bit of their soul is lost every time they lie
to our face and tell us they'll acomplish something they themselves know will
never happen.
It's because of this fact
that I have a high level of respect for Vermin Supreme.
Sporting a boot on his head,
Supreme is a fixture in New Hampshire politics, where he has run for president
seven times. In a recent interview with FOX25 News, he described the four
planks of his platform:
1) Mandatory tooth-brushing laws
("Gingivitis has been eroding the gumline of this great nation of ours for
long enough and must be stopped.");
2) Time travel research
("I'm the only candidate who is willing to fully fund time travel, go back
in time and kill baby Hitler with my bare hands before he's even born.");
3) Zombie preparedness ("I
am the only candidate who has a plan to protect America from the imminent
zombie invasion and I will be harnessing the awesome power of zombies to create
electric energy utilizing the latest in giant hamster wheel technology.");
and
4. Free ponies for all Americans ("A
federal pony identification system and you must have your pony with you at all
times.").
Mister Supreme sticks to his guns
and honorably never breaks character, just like the real life liberal Stephan Colbert, who plays a conservative republican on TV.
It's because of Vermin Supreme's
satirical representation of false promises, that he actually heals his own soul
by doing so. Behind his blatant belligerance he speaks a truth to us that most
ignore, because it's just to painful to acknowledge the fact that our vote
really doesn't matter.
The fact is, voters elect
soulless vermin to organize our lives in a way a soulful person would never
have the gall to do.
As
much as I respect the position of command and the hard decisions one has to
make, I'd never condone any of it.
That is why, if I were to
vote, it would be for the wisdom of Vermin Supreme, and his good looks of
course.
By Randall Thomas
Model City had once thrived, owing its glory to the success of the Love Canal and the genius of Nikola Tesla. Now, it suffers from economic collapse. In a city laden with crime, wanton heroes emerge. A mysterious character begins to lead the blind, and a mountain of conspiracy clouds the minds of the righteous.
Burdened by conjecture and stricken with grief, William Howell somehow manages to climb the corporate ladder. The Model Citizen newspaper represents to him the true word of the people. It is up to him to determine its quality.
Read the first 5,000 words free, here:
Thanks,
Joe
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